A F F I L I A T E S |

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E N T R I E S |

the sound of waves,
lapping the shore.
just like the songs you used to sing.
the gentle breeze,
caressing my face.
reminds me of you.
i see the sunset,
with your head on my shoulders.
your hand in mine,
we would have been so happy.
together.

a video i did myself! =p enjoy.



FINALLY! My arduous journey of a million months and gazillion trips down to the dreaded BBDC has ended. IT IS FINISHED! okay, it isnt. I still have to go down to get my Driving License done because the stupid system was DOWN in the afternoon. Just when I thought I was going to show the world the little piece of paper that costs $50, the stupid woman at the counter said cannot process. WHYWHYWHY.

Nvm. I shall show u all the fruit of my labour. And my pro-ness along with it.



ZERO DEMERIT POINTS. BEAT THAT! =p

I had the most interesting of dreams last night. It's gonna sound totally out of this world. I almost could not believe myself when I woke up actually...

I dreamt that, I was having a conversation with the Devil himself, on the couch in my living room. How cool is that huh.

I can't remember the exact details of the questions I asked him though. I know I asked him a HELL (haha) lot of questions, like regarding his demons and all, but I can only remember ONE. And it was the last one I asked, after which I think I woke up.

I asked him whether hell existed.

Yes a morbid question I know.

[mor·bid /ˈmɔrbɪd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[mawr-bid] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1. suggesting an unhealthy mental state or attitude; unwholesomely gloomy, sensitive, extreme, etc.: a morbid interest in death.]

Well, he gave a reply, which I vaguely remember, but I do not know if its biblically sound. He said that yes, hell exists. BUT here's the catch. It's currently closed. It should open in the near future (should be at the end of the world, during the last war of the Angels and Demons) and though I didnt get to ask about the flames, he said something about it being a never-ending pit.. That's the bit I dont remember reading about from the bible, then again, it might just be a figment of my imagination.

Functions of dreams have been postulated by scientists, but there seems to be no proven hypothesis. Some say dreams let the mind express things that would normally be suppressed in the waking world, thus keeping itself in harmony. Or they offer a view at how future events might proceed; similar to running future events through the mind.

I think dreams reflect the subconscious. I stand by my previous post, that we're all actors in life. Unwillingly or otherwise, the environment has provided the necessary stimuli and conditioned us to reflex in this certain way. We are curbed and tamed to meet the demands of parents, friends, teachers, patients. We are expected to behave with a sense of decorum becoming of sons, friends, students and doctors.

It is only in dreams where we can be freed from all these chains society has imposed on us. Only then, can we be true to ourselves, because we know people are subjective and bitchy (at least I am, and I don't think its an exclusive trait). It's almost as if it's coded for in our DNA, the BITCH gene and the JUDGEOTHERS gene. No matter how much they tell you that they wont judge you, deep inside they've given you a score upon 10.

If they're not nice, they tell everyone what they think.

If they're nice, they only tell their close friends and make them swear not to tell anyone.

Only the smart ones keep it to themselves.

But either way, you know they've formed an opinion of you. It's only human.

A dream is like a one-night stand. You have the fun, and yet its responsibility-free. Its living in a fantasy, where actions have no repercussions. Okay, not exactly. But it's a place where you can feel good about not studying for anatomy, (because it sucks), and you know it wont affect you becoming a doctor. Living life in reality mode too much sometimes makes you want to spend a bit of time living it in a dreamy cloud-filled eden where although memories are a wee bit hazy, the stresses of life dont feel so heavy upon your shoulders.

Okay, i'm fantasizing too much.

Snapping back to reality, my driving test's tmr. I wish myself good luck and superb blind-spot checking skills and a wonderful tester (hopefully not the chief but a kind jolly old man). Doesnt sound a wee bit realistic. But hey, if Rui could get by with 6pts, I dont see why I cant. And with so many laoya pok female drivers out there, I don't see why I shouldnt pass. This reminds me of the miniskirt which Ben Liang kindly reminded me to wear. Thanks hor. I'll borrow that and a pair of black boots plus fishnet stockings from your sis. =p

I've sat in a million of my classmates' cars. Shaun, Darren, Huiwen, Chance, Nat, Charissa (probably the best female driver), Ben (who is very hiong) and a few others. I am looking forward to people sitting in MY car for a change.

Await my post tmr. I want that license! =D wheee~ vrooom.

Practice makes perfect. So is the art of the people management. It is a skill, specialised and exclusive, not easily mastered. It is an art because it is of skilled workmanship, almost concrete enough to be attributed aesthetic qualities yet still possessing an abstractness in its mystifying intricacy. Maybe it is the X factor that we've been long talking about; a kind of charm that are unable to put our fingers on.

Events have been happening around me. And by events I don't mean that of giant erections in the coming 2008 (ERP gantries not PDE blockers in Viagra) or new phones such as the Black Berry (which I mistook for Halle Barry) hitting the market. Neither is it the fact that my exams are actually a mere thirty days away. It makes me really wonder why my Anatomy textbook lays so virginal on my table.

These are events that involve not cadavers but human beings who are alive and kicking. On hindsight, it feels kind of dreamy. It was as if i floated through marshmallow clouds while having these incidents zoom past. Maybe because I was too desensitized to events of this sort. Otherwise I didnt feel enough to respond adequately. In medical terms: the summation of the graded potential was inadequate stimulus for an action potential.

Then we question ourselves, why do we not feel very much for the people around us? Personally, I don't think there's anything much in life that can affect me that greatly anymore. Life is a roller coaster? Well then, it must be going at 2km/hr. Nothing's gonna hit me any faster than that. Maybe its a self-defense mechanism. We cannot be caught off-guard if we program everything in slow motion except our thought processes (pronounced: praw-seh-seez according to Physiology Prof)

We manage people on a day-to-day basis. Maybe as with solving too many Physics TYS questions, we have a fixed formula for every question that comes out. An acquired reflex towards external stimuli. So when someone presents with A, you give him response A'. When someone else presents with B, you'd reply with B'.

Sometimes it becomes an act that we put together, an act that is too well-rehearsed. But then again, people management has always been a show that we put up, no? Frankly put, even sincerity is a show. We're all little politicians in our little hearts. And we'll shed tears once or twice every election just to show how much your vote counts. I cringe.

We manage people for a variety of reasons. Because we need them sometime in the near future, you know like saving for a rainy day. Or because we want to be well-liked and popular amongst the people, think socialites and butterflies. Of course, i'm making it sound like we manage friendships as commodities and goods that can be traded. Then again, there are really many people out there who REALLY love their friends simply as friends with absolutely no strings attached. (well, its only human nature to crave company and detest solitude)

This post isnt in any way to condemn. I just feel that sometimes certain decisions are made through "practice" because we've seen others do it this way or because it has always been done this way, (such as in the case of apologies) in order to maintain the relationship rather than us really believing in the necessity of the action. Then it brings us back into our little homunculus (a little man inside ur brain) and helps us to re-evaluate why do we actually respond this way.

i had an earlier reunion dinner just tonight because someone couldnt make it tomorrow night. it just doesnt feel quite right having the dinner not on the 30th night... then i'd have nothing to do tmr night. when everyone's out celebrating chuxi, i'll be stuck at home, dota-ing? =X probably with the non-chinese. hmm.

tonights reunion dinner wasnt exactly fantastic. i spoke less than 3 sentences. i merely smiled at my aunts and uncles passing comments. i dont really feel that its a reunion dinner because i've just seen them two days ago at my cousins's first year old birthday party. and in two days time, i'm gonna see them again. so whats the point?

the same things happen every year for CNY. we wake up at around 10am. then shower. wish my parents the customary happy new year. then proceed to father's side grandparents house. sit around, watch abit of tv, eat a bit of bah gua, get my angbaos then ciao. we go off to my grandaunt's house (on my mums side) sit around abit more, drink her red date tea, then my mum will comment how i love her red date tea, then she will ask me to drink more -.-, then get angbaos and ciao to grandma's house.

grandma's house will be boring. as per normal. it was more exciting previously when we were younger. we'd play stupid games like "see who can sleep first wins" so crappy right. and we never knew who won. last cny they wanted to go kboxing. but i dont find it exactly entertaining sitting in a dark room facing a tv screen and singing my lungs out. else its mahjong. which is a tad more exciting. but my mum doesnt really approve of gambling. so oh well.

talking abt visiting... my mum was mentioning how if one day my grandma wasnt around, maybe we wouldnt have anything to do during cny. just sit around @ my grandaunts house wont do. visit who? my mum's siblings? so boring. i dont know. such a gloomy thought for this festive season. not very healthy. but its kinda true also.. aiyar i dunno. i'll think of something to do. maybe 5 years down the road, cny will be celebrated with friends more than family...

anw, it just seemed just yesterday when i was checking my timetable during the dec holz to see when the next break was coming. and CNY is in TWO days. time passes real fast. before long it'll be the CAs, (they're starting to send out the format for our CAs already. urgh) then the MBBS Professionals and FINALLY our May-Aug break. so fast right. year 1 is already coming to an end...

sometimes i dont want it to end so fast. cos it means i'm ageing. all the wrinkles running perpendicular to my muscle fibres will appear. then i wont be youthful anymore. AHHHH. my youth. i want to be young forever!

today was rather interesting. i think my Tay HH (aka my driving instructor) screwed up. he gave me two lessons in the previous one instead of one. for the uninformed, you need to pass a certain number of modules two weeks before you are allowed to take the driving test. all the way from first lesson 1.01 to 5.01. i remembered the last lesson i was supposed to take up till 4.04 only.. but when i checked the system today, it said:



then i scrolled down to see how the lessons were given:



so i think he gave me 2 instead of 1. which is a good thing because I am now $59.90 richer. i'll take it that uncle tay has given me a $60 angbao. what a kind old man. which is amazing cos usually these instructors are stingy and miserly beyond belief. they will stall you in terms fo lessons just to suck you dry (dun think sick)... so im quite happy i didnt have to go down to BBDC today.

oh and i took only 18 lessons to finish until 5.01. BEATTHAT! hopefully i pass though. okay neck aching. means sleep time. =)

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reuben.
21.august.1988
leo.

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