Sunday, July 31, 2005
i dunno why u went off like that. u did not like what i said? i'm not really sure u noe. how many years? really. u noe what. hurt me bad. hurt me so bad that i'll wanna hate u too. like dun even get me a bdae present. really. i think maybe then we could call it quits someday. and yea, make my 17th bdae the most memorable one. i dunno, really. if that could bring us back to before.
call me sadistic. but ur making life rather miserable for me. is that ur plan? i dunno. i really dun. but then again, i dunno so many things. about you. even about myself. i'm so unsure of how i shud treat you. with respect? with cordiality? with suspicion and apprehension? i dunno. you tell me. theres something i learnt from this though, never take anyone for granted. and friends are more impt than gold. its something that cannot be bought, so intangible yet precious. and that forgiveness cannot be earned, only given.
how much more time do u need? like a dream that never would realise.
take it up and put it down.
11:16 PM
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
i've been so tired recently. i dunno why. its not just physically, maybe thats like 80% of it, but yea.. mentally, spiritually. dunno wadeva u call it. i was taking a snooze this evening, from like 5pm to 8pm? one of the longest times i've slept for a snooze. and then when my mum came to wake me up for dinner, i just had this weird feeling. this urge to continue sleeping and go on sleeping forever and ever.
at that point it didnt seem strange cos i was tired and u noe, all those JUST WAKING UP moments, where just dun feel like opening ur eyes. but i knew at that point my brain was alert, tho my body wasnt. it was as if a subconscious part of me just didnt wanna be awoken at all. i'm tired. i'm tired of waking up. to continue with jc life. tired of keeping up with relationships. doing jap homework. revising for all my SPAs. subconsciously, the inner me has died. why? i don't know.
it just feels like i dun have an urge to go on living. and i think its scary. tho i really dunno why...
so many things to say, yet i dunno how to put it. todae was kinda depressing. drama auditions results were out. oh well. i didnt get the bisexual role after all. i guess, its worse when u've had certain expectations, yet not be able to fulfill them. and to sean who DID get the role, well, all the best! =) its gonna be fun i guess. on the other hand, i get a 10min dialogue with shumin throughout the whole play with only the two of us on stage. that shud be rather challenging as well. never had a dialogue so long before.. can u just imagine if i lost ONE of my lines.. lolx.
thats all. nites.
take it up and put it down.
10:46 PM
Sunday, July 24, 2005
well. its been one week since i last blogged. and i've been a VERY VERY busy little boi for the past week i must say. however, i do remember certain snippets of what happened last week. i noe monday ran wednesday's timetable, which meant that there was no japanese! WAHAHAHA. and i ended @ 1200noon. cool. well i ended @ 1200noon as well on wednesday and friday, making 3 days in a week 12 oclock days. muahaha.
more recently, friday was the beginnings of a hectic day. firstly started off withbio pract. not very interesting larh. it was mock blood or dunno wad. charissa didnt come to school cos she was sick, either that or she was attempting to dream of chenwei. muahaha. ok shant be mean here. =) then the whole day during lessons passed uneventfully. gp was the most boring, ended up snoozing thru it. i guess thats practically becoming the norm for every GP lesson.
went for lunch @ ri with mok. then he had to stay back until 4pm. cos he had bio + pe. wahahaha. poor thing. scooted off to the library to enjoy the aircon and slack abit until my auditions @ 315pm in the humanities block, LT6 there. it was SO fun. the first piece was done with shumin. was playing this bisexual guy who had shumin as his ex.. so we were basically talking about how i couldnt find a partner and everything. then they were reminiscing abt their past together, and the guy feels kinda sad and down that they never worked out.
Guy: What do you do when u're feeling down?
Girl: Well, i eat chocolate and have sex.
Guy: But i can't do that.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because u've always been stronger...
Girl: Do you need a hug?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Do you want a kiss?
Guy: Sure.
Guy: You always make me feel better. You know me.
Girl: Shhh...
AWWWWW. so sweet. ahahahaha. it was quite fun i must say.
Then there was another seen where i play this same guy trying to hit on another kid his age. Surprisingly, this OTHER kid is a guy as well. ahahah. :X Lionel being hit on by Kelvin if i'm not wrong.. so it was kinda fun. never had these interesting roles before.. shant elaborate too much about the raunchy scenes, but in one of them, theres this massage that Kelvin performs on Lionel, and its HIGHLY suggestive. but funny. =)
there were other less sexually active roles of course, like this young 20 soomething year old photographer trying to hit on some 50+ year old woman with 2 kids HIS age, whose husband has died. so weird. the last one is abt some Singaporean guy called simon with his gf called tutu. so spastic. but quite funny. all these other roles arent as fun, but i guess, i'm hoping for someone huicy. =)
ended up waiting for mokmok to end french then went for dinner. meanwhile, had fun playing with serenes balloons, which she kindly gave me.. one green, one black, one white. made 3 little bitches, one green for weiwei, one white for rui, and one black one for myself. =) eheheh. dinner was a rushed one @ kfc. then we went back to school for interact. ended up blowing balloons and tying them up for installation the next day.
the next day began with me waking up @ 815am. cos the BOD members had to reach there by 830 but normal members like me had to go @ 10am only. made me wake up so early doing shit manual labour for the club. i better get recognised with some MOST HARDWORKING INTERACTOR award or sumthing. but CERTAIN slacky BOD members of interact decided to be big shot and ended up reaching there @ 900am. =P oh ewll.
then had interact the whole day. happily blowing with joshua the green, blacks and whites.. =P he apparently said the black ones when u blew them, they had a weird smell. hence he preferred the blowing of white ones. of course then i uttered the word interracial, which seemed alien towards an innocent shawn. who completely didnt understand wad our whole sexual-inuendo-filled conversation was about. :X
went out for dinner @ suntec. SO DUMB I TELL YOU. subway ran out of bread. feel like throttling that stupid uncle who stared at me and asked "do you want a wrap instead?" wrap ur head lor. made me so pissed. in the end ate some friend rice + fillet thingy.. then we happily went off to shop for prezzies and i reached home super tired @ 9plus cos the roads were blocked by some NDP thingy and we had to take mrt home.
that marks the end of my week. but these 2 days have been the days of my life. they were fun while it lasted. =) the memories i'll never cease to forget. ever.
take it up and put it down.
9:50 PM
Monday, July 18, 2005
today was such a fun fun fun filled day. must say everything was spontaneous. started off with a disgusting Chem Mock SPA for skill A. screwd it up cos i used titration instead of gas collection. wahahah. i dunno if i'll get like half the marks or sumthing, but it DID seem feasible at that point in time.. oh well. see how she marks.
everything went uneventfully until lecture time of course. wenjie was sitting behind me and sherman was next to him.. so i was happily doing my work and talking to rui when suddenly i heard this "you see, its bent, its not straight." i was -.- cos its quite weird to hear such things in a bio lecture about evolution. (maybe his evolved from straight --> bent, possible huh?) so i turned around and LO and BEHOLD. he was fingering his...XXXXXXXX censored and pointing to it.
or so it seemed from my point of view as the stupid LT table was blocking his hand. so i could just see his hand vibrating up and down at the spot of his... lol. so i just kept turning back and staring. even rui turned and stared.. =X for rui its normal larh.. afterall he professes tt jialun, poon and a whole lot of other ppl are cute. nothing wrong, just that all of them are guys larh. finally wenjie cleared up the misunderstanding, he was talking about his zipper...
so after the lecture, wenjie was still talking about his bent zipper. and rui was like how can a zipper be bent? so he went to ask wenjie, being the curious and forthright pervert he is. then wenjie was like.. (i shall dramatise it for all so that u can visualize it better)
Wenjie: There u see
[shows rui his supposedly bent zipper]
[rui stares intently]
Rui: Where got?
Wenjie: [exasperated] there..
Rui: Where? [reaches out to feel...]
The scene freezes as if Frodo reaches out for the ring and is about to slip it into his finger.. Rui reaches out and...
Wenjie: [suddenly realises somethings not right and pulls back*] I'M NOT GAY!
rui laughs.
how interesting.
* does not refer to the head. wenjie DID NOT pull back his head for rui. :X lol. he pulled back his hand and his lower torso so that he would be out of reach.
went off to eat BK at thomson plaza after that. despite the fact that it was raining so badly. cos jason was there too, so wei lent him his umbrella and aloy, rui and i had to share this stupidly small umbrella, which was mine btw, and got all soaking when we reached.. how dumb. and rui was complaining abt how his foot would get all mouldy again due to the water and start smelling like shit. :X eeks.
after lunch at BK, wei candidly suggested that they come to my house to play OR study. rui cudnt join us cos he had interact stuff. so sad.. its ok. i'll tell u ALL about it tonite! =) tho wei suggested two options, the former occurred 99.9% of the time. lol. ended up playing table tennis cos the ground was too wet for tennis and i didnt have the rackets. we played table tennis for like 1/2 an hour to 45 min, then started playing squash cos it was too boring. needless to say i thrashed both of them at both sports, we played 2 rounds of each sport each. and i lost to aloysius at table tennis once at a deuce game. all the other games i won.. i must say i'm good. =) muahahaha.
well after which, wei started talking abt R-rated stuff which i shant elaborate here. heheh. and they scooted off for french. stand up stand up for singapore!
============
-AT FRENCH CLASS-
Monsieur: Ok class dismissed.
[everyone stands up except zhunwei]
Class: Au revoir, monsieur.
[exeunt class]
Monsieur: Zhunwei, class has ended.
ZW: sorry monsieur.. let me finish my essay first.
Monsieur: erm.. ok.
[1 minute later]
Monsieur: its ok, u can hand it in on thursday.
ZW: give me a while more, it takes a while.
[5 minutes later]
Monsieur: Zhunwei, i've got to lock up the class already.
ZW: i noe, i'm trying very hard already.. no. wait. i'm trying very soft. ARgh. i'll lock the door for you.
============
-AT FENCING-
Mark: we'll now do a step lunge.
[ZW lunges]
Mark: ok stay in that position...
[1/2 a minute and everyone starts to return to en garde]
Mark: ZW, what are you doing? I said recover already.
ZW: i noe, but i cant control my leg.. cant recover. its numb.
Mark: What cannot recover?
ZW: i dunno.. it doesnt listen to me.
Mark: Your leg not tired meh?
ZW: tired, but i cant help it...
============
ZW the naughty boi... tsky tsky.
take it up and put it down.
5:50 PM
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
The bible is never wrong..
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
take it up and put it down.
11:35 PM
ha. i only blog about people whom i care about. some are so puny they cause such little things on my life that i dun even wanna talk about them. well the irritating ones are less reason for me to bitch about, because i dun care abt them ANYWAY. =)
things have cleared up. the darkened sky has once again turned into light. and i have won. did you not see me win? =) hahah.
take it up and put it down.
9:02 PM
Sunday, July 10, 2005
hurt. burnt. stung.
playing with fire.
thats what you get.
not learning from lessons.
this heart of mine.
has not hardened for a long time.
can the one i love
be the one hate?
every moth is attracted.
the alluring sway of the candle.
cant help but beckon it in.
just dive into its warmth.
the siren's song.
the irresistable call.
the want to be forgiven.
overwhelms.
the courtship the foreplay.
the interaction between.
intertwined into one.
the passionate dancing of the flames.
all i wanna say is,
i'll still forgive you.
because love is greater than the pain.
take it up and put it down.
11:50 PM
Thursday, July 07, 2005
the worst kind of feeling a human being can get is helplessness tinged with jealousy. the feeling of not being able to get what others can, yet not be able to do anything about it. it can apply to alot of things. results, relationships, frenships, basically nearly everything under the sun.
well i've been exposed to many of such events recently. and it seems tt in some i'm the victim, and in others i'm the victimiser. oh well. blame it on my wicked tongue, on my heck-care-about-your-feelings attitude. this is ME. i'm not a saint. i laugh, i joke and i abuse. lol. i like the abuse part, not physically of course, but verbally. and its an asset i'm rather proud of.
in other cases, i'm the victim. when the world out there gets Bs, i get a C for my japanese commontest. muahaha. 55.5/100, nothing close to anything i would be happy with but nothing too far from what i was expecting too. kinda thought i would at least get a B for my 2 days worth of mugging. but oh well. one ounce of effort, one ounce of results.
there are just some ppl i dun understand. some u can talk to, joke with, have fun and do everything under the sun with. but still not open up to you fully. you think its something wrong with yourself, but i think its not really my fault. i've been very patient and understanding towards you already, but its your choice that you've chosen to be like that. i may not be the kindest soul on earth, but i noe i'm loyal.
time and i again i convinced myself. if i treated u abit better, maybe things would change huh. wishful thinking. time and again i gave in. much as i am biased, i think i've been rather fair to you already. like i told you, i think i'm nicer to you than you are to me. you're so blind you'd treat diamonds like coal and household pests as pets. fine. guess what. you're not worth it.
the one who is really worth it IS really worth it. dun expect any more from me. i've hardened my heart against you. a heart dripping blood continuously will eventually dry up. ur pride makes you such an ass. since u cant make a clear distinction between diamonds and coal, its ur loss. why must u make me hate you when i dun want to?
*blink*
on to happier things. i'm improving at fencing. must work harder on my speed and as rui said, ADAPTABILITY. its prolly the key to winning. and i'm addicted to fencing trainings. its SO fun! =) ahahha. my blades so bent i think its gay. but thats besides the point. as long as it can score points, it has achieved its job.
late now. tmrs friday, end of the week. i'm sleepy. zzz. week 3 coming up soon sigh. sch sux. nites.
take it up and put it down.
11:46 PM
Saturday, July 02, 2005
today was a LONG LONG day. my legs are still aching. woke up at a stunning 10am. was so tired larh.. wanted to sleeeeeeeeep and just forget everything. but mark (our fencing coach) was threatening that anybody who doesnt come down for more than one training will not be able to get into fencing team event. damn it. had to crawwwwl out of bed just for that.
but it was quite worth it. we had to trudge down all the way to clementi on bus 165 (took me 30min) anyway when we reached the sports hall, we donned all our very hot fencing gear cos it was so thick. and i must mention that i found a very special way to make my mask smaller. i fit in a koodios cloth into my mask and hey presto it becomes smaller and fits very snugly in my head!
well that isnt the impt part, but i think i'm rather good. supposedly i've got this jabbing move that gets me all the points. hmmmm. =) thats not bad considering today was our first time. but i must try to revert that jabbing into a proper slash of a sabre. in the long run i think the slashing will be more effective. what i'm doing now is like some cheap skate method.. but nvm. will try to change it soon. maybe practice makes perfect.
but the scores for our mini-bout. rui beat wei 5-2. reuben beat rui 5-2. ok that makes me the best out of the 3 of us rite? hahaha. oh well. shant blog about tennis cos i lost every game.. so decided not to write abt it. =) had BK after tennis though. ate until very full and had a very fun time todae. =)
take it up and put it down.
9:56 PM
i just came back from watching war of the worlds. my heart aches. not because tom cruise's daughter was such a good actress. or because of some emotional scene whatsoever. it aches for the $9.50 that i paid for while sitting in the 3rd row of some eng wah cinema in suntec city. it pains for the lack of intelligence in steven spielberg's ending of the whole show. it cries out for the writer's anyhow-also-can attitude in trying to end the book. sigh.
for those who havent seen the show, dun read on.
started off with rather interesting beginning. how the lightning nonsense and everything went off. flashing and booming. starting wasnt too bad. i thought the show was rather good in fron but the ending spoilt everything abt it. it was very very dumb. the aliens didnt look especially cool and they were super outpowered larh. nothing seemed to be able to kill it. except when tom cruise shoved a grenade up the anus of the alien machine when that anus tried to suck up a man from what resembled its testes.
ok i bet nobody understands. but heres wad happens. alien catches you with tentacles. aliens store u in 1 of 2 metal cages shaped like a testicle with other humans. aliens mouthpart (which looks like an anus) opens over the testicles, elongates in and sucks up a human. tom cruise is in a testicle. all the humans try to save the human getting sucked up by anus by holding onto him and forming a human chain. reminds me of cohesion in water in xylem. tom cruise sticks a grenade into that anus. kaboom. the anus explodes. the machine dies and testicles break apart, freeing humans.
thats the gist of it.
basically the ending is that the aliens all start to die because the moment they tried colonising earth, they were breathing in earth's air etc. hence since they were not immune to bacteria and stuff, unlike us humans, they died of bacteria infection. how dumb. and i thought the humans were gonna come up with some super technology to blast the aliens. how lame.
well the good parts of this show include that of it reflecting the selfishness of human nature. what people would do just to stay alive? one included mobbing of tom cruise's car just to escape the city. another was that the person with the gun just shot the driver so that he could drive the car out. tom cruise also killed a guy to save his daughter and his life. etc etc. all this truly reflect how we humans are selfish from inside out and nothing good is in us when we become desperate. kinda sad. but its true. i do hope nobody shows that side... anytime soon until the end of the world. =P
are humans selfish by choice or by nature. thats something that this show got me thinking. i guess, humans are selfish by choice. i mean, whether u wanna be selfish or not is entirely up to you. for example. if u were at subway eating dinner with a bunch of frenz. then u decided that u are still hungry after eating a shit load, u decide to go to BK and get something more. however, you being the lazy fat bum that you are, decided that since BK is at the other end of the world, you could
A. drag that lazy fat bum out and get it urself.
B. drag a fren to accompany you while walking there but still move your bum.
C. ask a fren if he wanted to eat anything from BK and make him go to BK to get it for you.
of course looking at it that way, A would be the least and C the most selfish. out of all these choices, nothing could force you to do any of them other than that B thing in ur head. hence i conclude my case. selfishness is by choice.
i guess there are always selfish ppl out there. but thank god theres always water to put out fire. love can dissolve selfishness. just like parental love for their kids lead to sacrifice and everything. the show showed how parental love was unselfish. he killed to save him and his daughter. ok wait. not very correct example. but u get my drift.
tmr is the start of another hectic day. at least commontests are over. i do not profess or dare to say i did well. but i think i'll do reasonable. =) wishing for the best.. and hoping for good results all the same. this week is a long holiday. i'm looking forward to my much needed rest.. =) nitez!
take it up and put it down.
12:46 AM
