A F F I L I A T E S |

P R O F I L E |

E N T R I E S |

the sound of waves,
lapping the shore.
just like the songs you used to sing.
the gentle breeze,
caressing my face.
reminds me of you.
i see the sunset,
with your head on my shoulders.
your hand in mine,
we would have been so happy.
together.

man. today was such an interesting day! =) must start off with japanese class. it was such a rare sigh. i.e getting scolded by SHIOYA. gosh. i dunno why. but i'm hating him more and more. for the past few lessons, i couldnt hear much of him. then today i went late for his lesson. i think he got kinda unhappy with me. so he asked why i was late. of course i gave the excuse that i went to see a teacher. this was already well formulated in my head, rehearsed even, to woochiao. lol.

i was late cos i went for a dramafeste meeting. sigh. i hope it doesnt clash too much with my schedule. tmrs casting auditions though. sheesh. havent read up on the lamb parts (supposed to be quite a huge role) hmm. yea. that was the reason i was late for jap class.

well then halfway thru, or shud i say near the end, we did some choukai (listening comprehension). then suddenly in a matter of seconds, shioya's face turned beetroot and started hollering @ us in jap. and man. when hes angry his face turns into this.. interesting hue and his jap goes on like a machine gun. in the first place its already damn hard to understand considering he speaks SO uber fast. now when hes angry, he goes like 2X that speed. he was angry cos we were talking too much. LOL. like wadeva.

i'm so excited. finally dfeste rehearsals. after like a few million years.. i'm so looking forward to them. but in the meantime, i've got a shitload of work to clear. sigh. dunno larhh. =) i better manage by time well. my nick says "i wanna kiss u so badly." dunno what it means. *wink*

didnt blog yesterday cos i was at fuyun's house. yea.. was teaching him chemistry and nonsense, like double titration. i think i learn more when i teach cos i have to be really good @ the topic before i DARE to even impart some kind of knowledge into that person. lest i kinda like. screw him up for life. but thank god double indicator titration is still within my grasp of understanding, so i guess i could say i successfully teach him. plus i wrote something to my mortal for monday at his house using some dexter's laboratory paper. LOL. quite cool. i like my handwriting. spent so much time on it.

today was quite boring. still trying to think of a few diff kinds of endings for our dfeste script. i hope it'll end off in a nice way. a nice resolve. somehow. somebody will think of it. and poof we'll act it out. yea.

anyway i didnt noe that i revealed so much on my blog. maybe i should be less public abt it. maybe the expression of feelings and emotions should be done somewhere else. on a private journal of sorts so that twenty years down the road i still can look back and reflect on sometimes how naive i am and how stupid i could be. and yea.. the facts are there. they lie where they are.. i have no need to hide or anything. theres nothing to hide. i guess.

matters of the heart are difficult to heal. sometimes when it just repeatedly opens up after heart surgery to close them up. i dunno. sometimes.. and those are the times when i get my mood swings and depression bouts. but i dun think i'll be getting them anytime soon. i hope not. i hope not.

dramafeste is coming up on 24-25 feb and we're supposed to get our results on 25 feb. if i dun get the results i want.. i dunno what i'll do. its not a matter of staying in RJ, but rather a matter of how much i want to achieve for myself.. yea. i'm just very scared for jap and hcl. let my heart not be troubled i guess. hmm.

another nonsense statement: "i want you back in my life. do i?"

today was a slack day. bio practical, maths and gp tutorial. then end of day! yay! ended @ 12noon. after cutting up onions for bio pract, going thru some answers for maths and watching another show called "portrait of a young man" by Singapore Poly, i went for lunch with christine, kat and rongsiu (who didnt eat cos she wanted to go back to st nicks for her orange bowl, some noodles stall). oh yea. rongsiu was saying that christine wants to transfer back into her humans course. aiyo. dunno whats wrong. are we that terrible ppl? then must change register number again. so suay for those ppl.

after that i went LANning with senior class. i think i won 2 out of 3 or 4 games. DOTA. cant really rmb whether i won or lost but i noe i paid $3.10 for 2 hours of gaming and i used some thing called a skeleton king and a purple monster who can transform into a wolf as his final stage attack. yea. wasnt too bad. considering that i ended up like last on the list. oh well. nvm. HAHAHAH.

after lanning, took bus back. tried looking for kat in the library, but she wasnt thee. called her. not there. she had my file.. :( ended up not being able to do maths tutorial (which i found out @ home that it was impossible to do anyway.). then i went to see bridge club trials. there was some sort of theory test. like. man. wtf. didnt like it. so didnt stay there for long. went to weiqi club instead. and played against zhiwei, who couldnt play for nuts cos it was his first time playing. pwnz the shit out of him. but boring larh. no kick.

fencing trials. todae was a shit day. made to run 4 rounds. reuben came late. so he only ran 2 rounds. did some shitty exercise after that. like running up and down blocks of things at the specs gall. so weird. but once it was completed we went into the hall to do footwork again. basically the same things, but practised more on the lunging. and allan was nice enough to lend me his sabre to poke him. hahahaha. =) sorry larh. the last part i was like "allan can u let me poke u?" then he said "but i let u poke just now liao" then i said. "again pls?" he said "ok." then when i poked. he didnt move!! WAH. then i poke liao. i feel damn bad. so i didnt poke anymore. i was half expecting him to move..

"how come you never move?"
"cos you said u wanted to poke me marh."

felt so bad. sorry allan.

just a weird sentence which may make no sense "you will not get him. i promise you. hes already chained. to me."

important events in my day. i'll just have to blog these snapshot events i guess. =) running out of time. i've got this list of to-do stuff to finish on my table. arrgh. cant stand it. i'm gonna be so busy tonite! =) (after sleeping @ 9.00pm and 8.30pm on the night before and ytd respectively)

ok.. first things first. lecture was boring. sat with those 3 girls again. diao. they came in late so we had this crappy place @ the top of the hall. couldnt hear things. then we all heard this female voice. the whole LT. the first time the lecturer stopped and asked if it was someone who asked something.. nobody responded. second time again. then the lecturer stopped and it continued for quite a while. at least 4 times. then we were about to say that the lecture hall was haunted already. cos it was DEFINITELY a female talking but nobody in the lecture theatre was talking. in the end it was some conflicting signals from the PA system, i think it was cos of the frequency of the mike in another LT that was picked up by the speaker, thus projecting the female teacher's voice into OUR LT. so scary.

only interesting tutorial = GP. discussed issues. somehow fifteen is kinda affecting me. i dunno why. and the GP tutor was going on about how the two guys who were shooting arrows were like adonis and venus thus invoking something about homoeroticism in the film. furthermore there was a scene after one of the gangsters was chased out from his house by his mother and he had nowhere to go, so he put up at his frens place. then they showed this scene of the two of them in bed, preparing to sleep.

A: "ehh. can i hug you?"
B: "dun gay larh."
A: "no. i'm not used to sleeping without my bolster"
B: "ok lor."

so the GP tutor was sorta saying that was there a deeper meaning to the brotherhood in terms of gangster terms. maybe it wasnt so macho all the time, cos these brotherhoods do have some sort of emotional attachment. i.e. when they "stand up" for each other and their camaraderie. but the sad thing was that one of them committed suicide (in the show of course). yea.. leaves alot of room for thought.

dramafeste meeting. i must say i was disappointed with the cast turnout. i was definitely expecting a better cast from the whole of med fac. i mean MEDICINE FACULTY. so big? and what? the cast that turns out is like that?! *rolls eyes* a PATHETIC FOUR GUYS IN A PLAY. due to the fact that there were ONLY 4 guys who went, it ended up being that they had no choice, but to take all in. hence the quality.. u noe arhh. =) not that i'm saying anybody there is unprofessional. like woochiao put it, "the cast is very raw".

i'm not trying to be ego or anything here. just that i was seriously expecting a better group of people and slightly more professional to participate. now that hulin is thinking of dropping out to join ODAC, i dun see how in the world i'm gonna continue this play with harshil and arion. they are OK ppl. nice frenz.. but acting? idunno. plus there is a very big role in terms of the main male character and an EVEN bigger role for the female character. because the nature of this play is satirical and seeks to portray a very non-pro christian side, i dunno what to do?

it basically satirises the concept of heaven and hell and how christians, played by a main female character called lamb, seek to convert the whole world to their cause. tho i would view it with an open mind and of course, i'm fine with the play, because i dun see it as attacking my religion, as in i view it as a piece of literature, other people may not be so comfortable about it. and the people are afraid the controversy may just end up with us shooting ourselves in the foot.

open my eyes. open my heart. i'm so confused now.

first fencing training today. i'm OFFICIALLY into fencing, but that doesnt say much cos everyone who turned up today got into fencing. oh well. but there wasnt too many people. much less than i expected. i just hope fencing would be fun and oh man, PLEASE cut down on the shitty PT. it sux to the core.. lemme bitch abt the PT today, but the rest was rather alright.

started off @ 3pm. for warmups we ran 3 rounds around the track. usually is 2 rounds for PE and i still have to run again tmr. die larh. there goes my thighs and shit. after running, we did some stretching then was water break. cos it was like 3pm in the afternoon, so hot. after water break we were split into 6 groups and into smaller groups of 4 within each of the 6 groups, then we did some BASIC FOOTWORK training.

basically, we were made to stand in an L-shaped position. depending on which leg is stronger (it was obviously the right leg for me), that leg would be in front, facing your opponent. whereas your left leg would be behind, and perpendicular, forming an L shaped that is shoulder width apart. then right hand would be parallel to the ground, facing forward and the left hand just relax perpendicular to the right hand i.e. same as the left foot, and wrist relaxed, so the 5 fingers sorta point to the floor in a damn weird/gay position. then we had to sorta "sit" on our 2 legs ensuring our knees were bending abit, forward and perpendicular.

so basically for that one hour or so, we were learning how to move backwards and forwards, then picked up the speed and de-bra said we were good! dunno if it was some kind of ego booster, but alot of them said that our group of 4 was good, so i'm quite happy. hahahaha. nvm. so bhb. after much practice, it was fine larhh.

at 5pm started another round of PT. sigh. it was shitty. circuit training. run 1 round, rest for 1 minute. run another round, rest for another 1 minute. did tht 3 times. which means i ran a grand total of 2.4km today *applause* and my thighs are groaning noww. i wonder what will happen during PE tmr.. :S but it was fun larhh. learning all the basic stuff. looking forward to friday, but i hope less PT. and they were like "it will get more xiong in time to come". i'm gonna faintttt.

damn. i have this weird pimple under my chin.. hahahaha. squeeeeeze~! oh ya. i think we've officially formed a clique. reuben + rongsiu + kat + charissa. wahahahha. 1 guy 3 girls.. just imagine!

today was an interesting day. we had so much fun during GP lesson. francis lau showed us this movie or short film by royston tan (is that how u spell his name?) titled FIFTEEN. i've heard of it before cos it supposedly caused an uproar with the media censorship authority and whatnot in the entertainment industry cos of the amount of suppsed vulgarities and stuff used in the film. i must say that i do not support vulgarities, though i use them sometimes unforgettingly.

despite the actors (who happened to be real life ah bengs picked off the streets of singapore) who used many of those hokkien swear words, there was even one which was sorta compiled into a tongue-twister-like-say-it-in-one-breath setence, i think nobody really bothered about it. i mean. so what if they use it. i didnt take it personally of course, but rather it kinda showed the true side of them and gave their character some degree of reality. they were not the civilised prim and proper english speaking ah bengs (which never existed) but really came across as life human beings.

as i saw the film , i could see the lack of light in these people's lives. what happened in the film may or may not be true. but through their acting, i could really understand what life was like in their shoes. maybe i do not understand everything about them, but at least the film provided an insight into their lives. one question came up that struck me. a gangster asked another "have you ever thought about your future. what would you do?" the reply was neither shocking nor special, but it did reveal sumthing.

"after my Os i would get into ITE, then come out, enlist with the army, get a job and slog it out for the rest of my wife. if i'm lucky, i would get a pretty girl and marry her. if we get along, good. if we don't, we'll divorce."

indeed life is like that for some ppl. taking things one step at a time, seeing first, reacting later. but after death, what happens? heaven? hell? many ppl choose to ignore that question. i wouldnt noe how to ask a person to consider this question because to many, they would shrug it off. to them, who dies at a tender age of 16 or 17. sad to say, though it wasn't shown out, one of the characters in the show committed suicide (in the show that is). it was just stated

"Melvin (15) - Whereabouts Unknown"

and it came around 2 days after his bdae because his mother chased him out of the house after he failed his maths test. it really touched me. maybe my summary of the show doesnt do it justice. but since its banned in singapore, i dunno. those that wanna watch it go get it from kazaa. only 20 minutes long. get the uncensored one. its the best. and all the frenships in it touched me. so what if they're ah bengs. for one they're honest to each other. for two, they value frenship. sigh.

hmmmmm. i JUST got home after a few million days. just touched the computer for such a long time.. haha. oh man. this has been such a long weekend. been out for most of it. havent given a detailed version of what has happened.

east coast park: went there on friday with a few other million OGs. cos the whole rafflesian community was there. we went blading and cycling.. the bladers, me shuwen and eexiu were with sherry and the rest were cycling around. didnt really go together as an OG cos east coast was so big.. so difficult to find lor. then sherry came late and we had to go fetch her.

zhihua's house: many ppl went. the most memorable was when dexter and teri played prank calls on jasmine and shijun respectively. ok. it wasnt THAT fun. cos shijun wasnt picking up his phone and dexter didnt REALLY act out what we wanted. he was laughing thru out the whole thing. made it so fake. heeh. oh yea. we played mahjong. did i say i won big already? i think i'm very good @ mahjong.. hahaha.

church and bdae shopping: hmm. after zhihua's house i went to bugis. we were supposed to meet at 3.00pm. oh well. ended up meeting @ 3.55pm cos i was late.. hmm. then we went down to church for musicians pract first before going back to bugis to choose sunglasses for lirong. ok. this is a very pissifying moment in my life.

we went to this store to see sunglasses. then i saw this nice redd one which costs 18 dollars. ok.. so we were thinking of buying it for lirong. but it was SO cheap. 18 bucks. so we decided no. and we'll get sumthing more expensive for her. and since it was nice, i bought it. so ok.. we went scouting for lirongs stuff. across the road at some optical shop we saw a nice one. after bargaining and stuff. we managed to cut the price to 46.15% of its original price. abit fickle. so we told the shopkeeper to reserve the thing first. walked down abit further. and saw this uncle selling the EXACT same sunglasses that i bought. this time for 12 bucks. i felt so fcking cheated. DAMN larh. arrrgh. yea. was unhappy. then the stupid shopkeeper didnt wanna give me a refund. :( i'll hate that shop for life.

-->>fast forward to lirong's bdae party cos church today was rather uneventful-->>

went to her house after rock svc @ 11am. was dozing off cos i was damn tired.. damn larh. its bad. took mrt down to commonwealth, reached her house @ around 3 pm. played a bit of cards, took a look at everybody. so long since we saw zixuan and lirong. zixuan put on so much weight, but i didnt dare to say for fear of being labelled insensitive. weiwen on the other hand was calling her wan wan. rmb the holland V fatty played by chen liping? =P oh well. then we played mahjong. 3 rounds.. i shud have won twice, but on the second time, i accidentally threw away my 2 bamboo, which was my winning tile. sigh. after which zixuan threw a 4wan, then she screamed cos it was ALSO her winning tile. sad lor. =( lol. but she won after that with a 7wan i think.. yea.

then got home frm a lift in chenjie's car. sent us to newton. took 162. then on my way home i saw U-glen and his brother. shud be U-gene if i'm not wrong.. :P hehehe. they dun look alike. oh well. tmrs the start of another busy day and dramafeste results are out. *wonder if i've gotten any good roles.. hmm hahahahaha*

so tired. got back home so late.. :( anyway. quick summary of events before i sleep tonite. friday went east coast in the morning with my OG. went to blade and cycle, sherry and dex were late. so oh well. then went to zhihuas house. played mahjong. won big money. but damn we were using chips not real money. i made somebody bankrupt. hehehe. then slept over @ his house. talked until 4am before finally dozin off. woke up this morning. watched him play A3. some interesting new game. hopefully i can play too. damn tired. will sleep now.. nite!

boring day. other than the fact that the only meaningful lessons were GP or sumthing. i dunno. got into a group with kat, rongsiu, charissa and cheehoe for GP. thanks to my quick thinking and glib tongue, i sorta convinced mr francis lau to allow us to form our own groups. i mean. just imagine me in a group of.. eeks. cmi ppl. wouldnt really like that would i. thankfully mr lau said like. for the rest of your stay in RJC, you will be in that group for GP. heng ah. i'm safe liao. at least for GP.

that woman bitches everyday. i cant stand it anymore. jeanne tan. just. fuck off. every small thing she would wanna comment and exert her control over. i mean. if u wanna live your life abiding by rules, then go ahead. but we're young ppl. pls lor. rules. who cares? if the colleges treats us like young adults, i dun see why u shudnt. for being such a bitch that you are. first thing she does during every kind of lesson is tell us about HER rules. first day of school, she has one set. tutorials, she got one set. even practicals also got her rules. control freak.

cannot stand it. all my tutorial teachers are nice. even the maths tutorial teacher who looks like the hongkong actress mimi choo. lol. and the ppl were teasing the rafflesian spirit todae. i dunno. but i kinda feel sad for her. i mean there must be a reason why shes wearing so much make up and her hair is like THAT. i think its not due to bad fashion sense. maybe she underwent some sort of treatment. so to get a SKIN-like colour, she has to put on a paste like foundation. i dunno. shudnt laugh at her anymore. its not nice.

tmr OG outing. alot of other OGs going also.. shud be fun. blading@east coast. i hope i dun die. poor shijun, sprained his ankle cos he slipped from the stairs while retrieving his waterbottle. dunno how he did it.. but yea. recover soon~!

all that i ever wanted to see when i turned on my handphone was a message of thank you. when that never came, i thought, u must have been so sick to turn on your handphone. from 6.40am, the moment i woke up till the time i reached home at 6.40pm, i never got it. twelve whole hours. i thought. maybe you sent it to my email account cos the card was sent via email. i eagerly signed into msn messenger and checked my 9 new email messages. surely one had to be from you. but no. 7 junk mails + 2 church mails. i never got to hear a thank you... not for the effort that i put in. all that work. just for you. and only you.

sometimes i think too much. i read too much into things. maybe you just forgot to turn on ur phone because u never left your bed. maybe you never got to the computer because u even had difficulty going to the toilet. or maybe these are all excuses that i'm making up for you to make myself feel better. where do i stand? i dunno. why do i do such silly things? i've poured out so much. but what i reap is little. do you noe that anything that you do, no matter how small, even if it means accompanying me to buy shoes that cost S$13, i appreciate? is thank you so difficult to sms over? or is 5cents too expensive for me? u complained the person took too long to find the shoes that i wanted. he had to run over to another stall to get the desired colour and size. but did u noe that i secretly wished that the person would never return, so that u and i could forever be together?

u never knew and even if you did, you wouldnt care.

similarly, everything that u wanted, i did it for you. was there any instance when i turned down your request for something? i noe that such trivial things will never count in ur eyes. but dont many trivial things make up to something? or do all the 0.000001s always have to round down to a ZERO and only 1s can be rounded up to a ONE. when we're together, u shut me out because you've got other frenz. ever asked me whether u wanted to get a drink with me from 7-11? ever asked if i wanted to have lunch? and even at lunch, you'd walk with others. you'd talk with others. i try to engage you in conversation, but you'd always rather talk to someone else. i can tell. so i let u go, because happiness isnt being about yourself being happy, but seeing the one you want to be happy, happy.

ppl say i lapse into mood swings often for no rhyme or reason. who can understand me? being around the person doesnt mean anything. physical distance does not mean anything. you can be right next to each other, but ur hearts are a world apart. u never sorta wanted me to know what you were doing. promises you've made. did u keep them? when i saw u sit @ the back of the LT, i wanted to join you. i even msged you, asking where you were. u never replied. maybe ur reluctant to let me in on ur actions. do u detest me? but why then do u talk to me when theres nobody else to talk to. when u've got nobody to turn to, am i ur last option? is that where i stand? as a spare tyre to be used only when another tyre has been punctured? otherwise where do i go. in the boot?

when i dun talk to you, you never talk to me. when i talk to you amongst a group of frenz, you talk halfheartedly. when i don't talk to you amongst a group of frenz, i see you happily in conversation with others. do you only talk to me when u need me?

badagat ahdagai waydagill ordagall waydagaze lerdegove youdagoo. sigh. i'm such a loser.

today was the most interesting sch day i ever had. we met our gp teacher, who happens to be like colin cheong. 34 years old this year. unmarried. film maker. likes to talk dirty and he ended up tellin us abt how this old man who was watching some RA film with him was stroking his UMBRELLA during the shows when the scenes of dirty stuff come out. lol. he was actually talking abt ironies of 19 year olds carrying guns but not being able to watch an RA show.. i dunno. he sounds like an interesting character and hes also frenly enuff. so i think our gp lessons will be fun. plus i think we're divided into groups. with charissa, rongxiu and katherine. interesting. all girls + 1 guy. ahahaha. =)

oh and. yea. dramafeste auditions today! SOOO fun. its been like eons since i acted and the last practise session i had was either dramafeste rehearsals or Sing to the Dawn. i seriously hope i get in for dramafeste. a pathetic 3 guys turned up for the thing with around 9 to 10 girls. oh well. maybe theres shortage of actors and stuff. but i dunno. less guys = less competition for roles. i think i did well. yea. at least i could say i tried my best and stuff. and it was REALLY fun. the hilarious things we do during impromptu and the monologue itself was SO comical. =) i just wish i could do it all the time. i wanna get into dramafeste. i MUST get into dramafeste!!! then afterwhich i'll have chance to join RP!!! yay. tmrs cca feste. i must go and chiong sign up all the million ccas i wanna join. let me list them here.

1. RP (Raffles Players basically = drama club)
2. Hissoc (History Society. Although i dun take hist, RMUN is fun.)
3. Bridge Club (supposed to join with yihan)
4. Wargamers (sounds like fun. i'm not tOO bad at such com games am i?)
5. Interact Club (if i can get in)
6. Council (if i can get in)

then if the moks wanna try out fencing.. maybe i could go look around and see. i think its ok lah. but must see how good i am. LOL. =) then yea.. i'll go join lor.

twotwotwotwotwotwotwo. ok i've gone crazy. i'm into a twin fetish mode nowww. HAHAHA. maybe its cos of the number of twins that i see everyday in RJC that i'm going mad like that. lemme count to you the number of twins i see around school. its so many u'll be shocked.

1. take bus, i see a pair of j2 twins. minsheng and minzheng i think. recognise them by their red and purple specs.

2. ri schoolmates. rui and wei. close my eyes also can tell whose who. =) ahahha.

3. acsi tennis twins. keith and kevin if i'm not wrong. saw them around school. talked to them only once, but i can proudly say that i can identify whose who with my wonderful observation skills. hahaha.

4. classmate: yan shan. shes half a twin. prolly has a twin sister roaming about the school somewhere else. she transferred over from a chinese class though. yea. todae was her first day with us.

5. daniel and david. used to be from RI and Cat High respectively. dunno where they went. but yea. they're twins. but really different.

6. lilian and vivian. the ones in my church. i can NEVER tell them apart. gosh. they're so alike.. lol. what else can i say.

yeaa. so u see. there are a hundred and one twins around rjc. its as if every 3 ppl you meet, 2 are twins. k. thats definitely over-exaggerating. but you get the point. and i think its so interesting being part of a twin. michael was saying it was part of narcissism. of having somebody look so much like you, have the exact same genes as you, but yet not being you. and u can be close to that person cos he/she is ur brother or sister and u all share nearly everything in common i.e. physical anatomy, and stuff along those lines. kinda cool. wish i had a twin. but thats not possible now issit. lol.

anyway yea. somebody was saying some twins have rotten personalities. like that purple specced red specced twin. the red spec guy is nice, but the purple one sux. apparently the red one's straight but the purple one's gay. cos the school population somehow noes abt him having bfs and stuff. LOL. like how interesting. a swimmer, with that kind of looks, being gay. then wah lao. many girls would go for sex change or something. kinda interesting. and yihan was mentioning before that if one-half of a twin is gay, most likely BOTH are gay. something along those lines larhh. lol. quite interesting. all this psychology things and stuff. oh well. it might be true. who noez?

tmr's dramafeste auditions. i'm praying so hard to get in. i would kill myself if i dont. sigh. drama's my life. now that dance is gone, its like half a limb amputated. so i've got only half a limb left. better make full use of it. ok. gtg bathe then sleep liao. tireddddd. zzzz time!! i wanna smell good before i sleep. but i always smell good. and talking abt smelling good. theres PE tmr. first thing in the morning. thank god my class doesnt have indian scholars.. man.. anyone bringing air freshener?!

============

my batch song:

When the strains of all music has faded away
And the music changes key
when the steps of dancers shift and change
and all seems unclear
you might feel far apart
but listen to the beat of your heart
and you'll move and you'll sway as the music plays and we'll dance

somedays the song is fast and quick
some days the beat is slow
somtimes the music seems to crawl by
sometimes you lose control
but there are always people around
to help you keep your feet on the ground
and you'll move and you'll sway as the music plays
and we'll dance

and we will dance
through the storm or rain i'll take the chance
to feel your heart and dreams as one
no matter how the music may play
i'll move and i'll sway and we'll dance

dance the dance of a new dawn
a time when dreams are born
no you can't hide
you've got a rhythm inside
so set it free and join the dance!

nice huh? =)

church today. met one of my rj frenz there. quite interesting huh. that guy actually goes to NCC too. glen i think. the one who was from TCHS and tried to join dance also. hahaha. but aiyar. both of us didnt get in. i thought he danced pretty well. frenly chap also. then was like queueing and walking, then turned around and saw him. first thing he said was "hey u look pretty familiar." -.- lol. so un-lame. but yea.. quite interesting to see him there.

at hinghwa, was quite interesting cos we played shi2 zi4 lu4 kou3. where u had to string up words of different foods and u had to go on this trip to find them and eat them all up. =) it was so tyco that we won first lor.. oh yea. i'm not the grp leader. ryan was.. so ahhaa. well done ryan! at first we were the last grp to get the first item, aka jian1 dan4 (fried egg). we walked all the way to the roti prata stall just to find that there wasnt fried egg there, so we asked where the other grps went and they told us downstairs first floor got. we had to walk ALL the way back and no doubt we were last already.

after which we ate dan4 gao1 (cake) at some nearby hawker centre. then we went to the super market next to it. so surprisingly i saw this gao1 ji2 suan1 mei2 (literally translated as high class sour plums). woah eat until my mouth salivate nonstop. so sourrrrr lorr. eeks. still can taste it now. :X i'll never eat sour plums ever. then next to the sour plums got this mei2 zi3 (plum juice thingy). bought it and drank.. rushed back to 3rd floor. this time we were already the 3rd grp, cos there was a last group that hadnt come back yet..

our task was to rap out the old testament. with ryan's quick thinking, we turned it into a song sang to the tune of majulah singapura. at the time when we left, we were the 2nd group. we had to find some way to link mei2 zi3 to ma3 ling2 shu2 (potato). so the group suggested sesame seeds, zi1 ma2 then french fries. where else to go but macdonalds. bought a 3.95 students meal, koped the sesame seed from the mc chicken, finished the fries and ran back. like wow. we were first!!! =) hahaha. yea. success story.

tmrs gonna be a long day. ending @ 4pm. hmm. wonder how i'm gonna tahan physics lecture first thing in the morning. i hope its not that cmi boring lecturer again. :( hahaha.

was too tired to blog last night. woah. yesterday was damn tired and in a damn bad mood also. dunno why. but yea.. must be cos the whole week i was sleeping @ like 11pm (average) and having to climb up at 640am everyday. super shagged. lets see what happened ytd.

we had civics @ 9.00am until 10.00am. played a lame game. ie something like show and tell. but u get into groups of 3 and just come up with a performance for the class. teamed up with mak and kat. not too bad considering that there were groups that went up to sing twinkle twinkle little star and the rj college anthem, our skit was a big success. and oh well. we won first prize. jeanne tan was supposed to give us a prezzie, but she said she would pass it to us on monday. then the whole class got chocolates and was dismissed.

the class went to RI for breakfast. didnt join them cos i had to go to the canteen and settle some stuff. then just went around the canteen looking for ppl to talk to. cos the triple sci ppl all only got like 1 lesson, then nothing on already. so the whole canteen was buzzin with activity. talked to some of the ppl, then left. went to the amphitheatre and saw shuwens class there. she was telling them about the finger thingy. some lame game dexter taught us. then i joined her class and started playing h2o with them. quite interesting. their class very on.

we went for lunch @ S11 after that with our OG. then went to play pool. it was so shitty. at first i thought it was $5.80 for students and stuff. cos shijun introduced the place, i thought it would be cheap. it was at lucky plaza. then it turned out to be $32.40 for 3+ hours. like wtf. i dunno what happened. but it turned out to be so exxx~!! i feel so cheated. cos i left early, then dexter complained abt how ex it was. sigh. so xin tong. so expensive. next time mite as well as go cine. :s crazy place.

went to rock with peg, potato, huili, zing and lester. ok. lester was fuyun's interesting new fren. just a note. fuyun you suck @ PR skills. i mean. if u bring a fren, at least try to strike up conversation with both sides. and yea. i dunno. i dun like u when u're around frenz. u jus try too hard to. be funny. or sumthing along those lines. i really dunno what u're doing yea. =) ok. back to the pt. i fell asleep like near the end of the sermon. was so tired nothing went in. but in front i did hear a bit abt us being the 3rd day people, the EARLY 3rd day people, cos its 2000 years after christ and 1000 years = 1 day with god. so we're the early 3rd day ppl and the time when jesus will come again is near.. so exciting. early 3rd day peepz. we'll be raptured soon. or so i hope. i dun wanna get into the army. =P

tmrs gonna be shi zi lu kou by zing. hope its fun. monday gonna be long day. until 4pm. see how i'm gonna manage my time from now on.

today was a day of disappointments. sigh. well of course i got wind of the fact that i didnt get into dance. :( oh well. i guess, what can i say? i suck @ dancing lor. not blessed in that field. LOL. i really wanted to get in. but now ppl dun want me lor. sherry sherry. what did u tell me? nearly all those guys who try will get into dance. nearly. look @ the throng of guys who went down for auditions. i'm disappointed, but i guess i'll get over it. hopefully. at least theres dramafeste and RP to look forward to. i dunno what other CCAs i'll join.

you never replied to my sms lor. and u promised something on MSN last night. i noe that most likely u'll never read my blog. i wasnt over sensitive. or at least i dun think i am. becos my intuition is hardly ever wrong. all those lies. can u even forgive urself. u were my second disappointment.

next up. i'm aching all over from the 2 consecutive days of squash playing. i realised that i'm not too bad at hitting balls towards the general direction (in front) against the wall. =) we played squash for a few million hours ytd and todae. today was longer tho. i went for squash after my 2 back to back lectures, @ 11am. played till around 1. had lunch, slacked in the library, then went back 2 squash @ 2pm until around 4pm.

mostly played against shijun. we learnt all those cunning moves of hitting the ball at the left wall, so that it bounces onto the front wall and makes it damn hard to hit again. and plus it was so much running, i was literally dripping like some wet clothes out to dry on a clothesline. but its good larh. once in a while exercise. oh wel played score system. i beat shijun! out of 3 sets, i won 2. those were the first 3 games. then we played sommore, then most of the time i think i won, but he won a few sets too. overall, i think i won, but hes not too bad also. quite a fun and challenging opponent.

tmr is gonna be my last short day. afterwhich i see my days ending REALLY late. monday = 6pm becos of jap. and i dun even noe whens CCA and stuff. sigh sigh. i wanna get into dance. but its OVER. OVER. oh well. RP then. :( wonder what we're gonna do tmr. must decide tonite during mass convo.. hehe. back to my maths tutorials.

Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...
When guys are in love, they become poor.
When girls are in love, they become pretty...
Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..
Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love..
Guys break-up when they feel love from another girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of separation from her man...
Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her..
When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl... When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his characteristics from another guy...
Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love...


Women are nothing but trouble, And Men are nothing but trouble seekers.

met alot of ppl todae. new frenz. lol. saw this guy in lecture theatre 1 by the name of Kevin. or issit Kelvin, Cavin or Calvin. arrgh. anyway, i rmb him as the guy who played fair in the group we played some balloon game with during orientation. it was part of our war games and the other grp was cheating like siao but he was the one who played fair. so i rmbed him as the nice guy. and fuyun, he happens to be in ur sec 4 class. 4.5micah. yeaaa. =) lol. interesting guy. but i shud say, he's abit emotionally inclined too.

then today. the only eventful thing was physics lecture. cos the lecturer was so freaking boring, even REUBEN the studious one was practically dozing off, right under his nose. he was going so slow lor. i mean. it was just revision. and he went so slow.. wonder how he would do if it were new chapters. plus, he was like reading off the slides and explaining to us like how the kilogram came from this stupid iridium dunno what cylinder that weighs exactly 1kg in some museum in france and wahh. damn cmi. so slow. like snail liddat. then all those numbers, cos 1 second = 298,125,159 periods of some caesium 133 atom. or sumthing along those lines.. but yea. he was telling us the number over and over again. oh and the MOST lame one, the metre. it came about becos its 1/123510298 of the distance light travels in one second, so he was telling us. that equals to one metre. if something is 30m, then it is 30 times that. and if something is 40m, then it is 40 times that length. i mean. J1 RJ students dunno that? even my 8 year old sis noes. :s

went out for lunch with OG @ macs. went back, played squash. and went for dance auditions. quite fun. we did 2 dances. learnt and practised and performed in front of those ppl. i think they were laughing their ass off cos it was so lousy. i'm hoping for the best. the ri gymnasts all came down to show off their breakdancing skills. all those legs in the air, and nonsense. and sherry was having such a fun time making them do stuff for her to see. lol. those guys arh. kana manipulated still dunno. :) anyway. i wanna get into dance.. sigh. help me sherry`!!!

today was an interesting day. after seeing the bitch @ assembly today, (the bitch refers to my CT. who 1. isnt really very interesting 2. is very strict for all kinds of reasons 3. just a loser of a teacher) i didnt see her for the rest. thank god. this is the first time i've found a teacher so repugnant, disgusting and just. eeks. i dunno if its her face or her body language that tells me shes not a very fun teacher. first day, she came into class to talk abt rules and nonsense. other classes played fun games, but we ended up playing some lame version of da4 feng1 chui1. like. pls lor. J1s liao. give us something with standard.

today, she was walking down the aisle to check ppl's hair. i mean. dun be so freaking ON abt hair colour larh. she was scrutinizing everybodys hair as if there was gold in those locks of black. :s ironically, she was screening for gold, gold streaks. argh. just ytd, she came into the LT during chem (the subj she teaches) and got the CT rep to like do attendance taking and make all those who werent sitting with the class report to her. i mean. dun be such a bitch larh. who cares if u sit with ur class. so many things uncalled for. like wtf.

anyway. dun spend so much time talking abt her. we met our senior class today. my class is 1So3D, so the senior class was 2So3D. it was interesting. we played whacko, ate cake and got to know them better lor. i think they're nice ppl. talked to a bunch of guys and the girls were really frenly too. theres this clement guy who obviously stays neear me. but i just cant rmb where exactly. nvm. it was fun noeing them.. at least their class is 1. bonded, 2. interesting and 3. they've got a fun CT. unlike ours.

then i crashed woochiao's class for GP and maths lecture. ok lah. wasnt as interesting as i expected it to be.. but at least the GP teacher was nice enuff to let me in i guess. :) shes this nice old lady, but nobody listens to her during GP and when its discussion, 5 mins is used for actual discussion whereas 25mins is talking abt something else. the topic for today was something to do with the political systems. democracy, communism, marxism and fascism. not very interesting. but can do.. cos i had like 2 hours to kill.

first lecture of the day was @ 11am, maths. wasnt too bad. but i wasnt paying much attention. he was just going thru the usual abt what the course was abt and stuff. not very interesting. while i was having my lecture, my OG went for lunch. sigh. i wanna go with them.. but cant. nvm lor. maybe tmr. and plus we went out for a movie after that. meet the fockers. 1. it wasnt THAT funny. 2. it wasnt THAT sick. 3. i think it was a complete waste of money. sixdollarsfiftycents. imagine all those poor african children who could have benefitted from that money instead of sitting in a loser J8 cinema watching a bunch of misfits acting.

went for jap class after that. shoya sensei wasnt too bad. woochiao came in too. tho he was J2. ahh. forgot to mention that i went to school with my neighbour, (she lives 4 floors below me and is an ex-rg now rj gal who is also korean and came to singapore when she was p5). but the bad thing was i made her wait so long downstairs cos i dropped my contacts and couldnt find them in the toilet. damn sad. luckily i found it after that. i'm half blind. and i think i look better without specs. :) oh yea. my neighbour (that girl) takes jap too. so anything i can just ask her.. shes really frenly! =) maybe we'll go to sch tmr.. hopefully i dun make a girl wait again.

oh yea. dance auditions tmr. i'm going down. taking a shot. maybe i can get in. i'll leave it to god. hopefully i will. i wanna learn how to dance. really inspired by sherrrry. =) hahaha. koodios. u rock my world!

dunno why. kheengiap came down today to ri. he was talking abt the A and B in my soap opera. sigh. after he mentioned it, i went to read the whole story again. felt terrible. dunno why. shant harp on it. i guess, it's over. it's over. isnt that the whole point of this blog? a new beginning. geNesis. start. beginning. just let all those memories stay where they are. broken and crying out, yet i shut them up by blinding myself with the business of my school life. how i wish i could forget. but what would make forget all those wonderful, bittersweet memories. it just hurts everytime i see u. if i had the power to turn back time, i would... if i had the power to remove somebody from my life, that person would be BRSZM. *orb u to the netherworld u bastard who screwed up my life.*

aside from all these unhappy thoughts, i think i had quite an interesting school day today! as per normal, saw the whole bunch of ppl i knew. every 3 persons i meet, i would noe at least 1. wow. RGS, RI, ACSI, all so many of them.. plus today was the first day at lectures. wasnt too bad. the LT was huge and super cold, and i'm like sitting at the top right hand corner of the bottom left bloc. i was thinking of bringing a pillow of sorts tmr, then can stuff it at my chair there. make it more comfortable. the first few lectures were just basic introduction to the subj, i.e. phy chem and bio. more or less understandable larh. =) nothing in depth yet. but the chem lecturer is fun and interesting, unlike the other two, boring like shit.

well. i got my first piece of work. lol. a chem tutorial. tmr got only 1 lecture for maths. dunno what i'm gonna do stoning in school for 3 hours until lecture starts. hope i finish my chem or sumthing. =)

schizophrenia...

i'm confused. i wanna be an individual whom ppl look up to and respect. i wanna be famous and yet theres so much in me that shouts at me telling me that i can never be such an individual. everyone has a dark past. maybe you don't. maybe i do. yet life seems like such an oxymoron. on one hand, being a christian, i must believe that god will provide for tmr and i need not worry. yet at the same time, sometimes i think that god hasnt provided as much as he has promised in the bible. i still cling on to you promises that u said, yet when will the time be? i've been waiting. i used my own human efforts to search for it. yet all i got was terrible, something that never lasted and not worth mentioning.

all human beings wanna love and be loved. i've asked you so long for it. but why have u not replied? i asked. and i waited. u promised. but u never gave it to me.. u never did. how then do u still expect me to trust in u? how then do u want me to believe in you? i'm growing so tired. i was disappointed. sometimes god, i don't even noe if i'm believing in something thats real. i noe u're real. my logical mind says that you are. my heart believes otherwise. sometimes i'm so tired of believing. whats a believer when he cant live life out as a believer. so much for being the head of a youth group, yet he has a past nobody could imagine. why? i'm so tired. so tired of hiding. i just wanna give up sometimes. i really do.

i've been numbing myself. todae it all began again. god you said let go and u would provide. lord u said in ur bible it is not right. but lord so many times i've tried. in vain, in pain, in darkness i cried. who noes but me. who noes but you lord. yet you never cared. u told me u loved me... john 3:16. everywhere. god is a loving god. but its so hard each day. the things that i see remind me of the scar and wound. a wound that would never heal as long as they're around. it would never close up. becos half of me wants it back. but the other half comes from you, lord, telling me no. i dun wanna be a hypocrite. either i go all the way evil or all the way good. living life in the middle sux. its tiring and difficult. and i live in fear. sigh. what am i saying?

heya. finally a new blog after so long. and i will promise to upkeep it for the rest of the year. i think i'm gonna have a long blog post todae cos i'm gonna summarize the first 5 days of my RJC school life. basically, we had orientation for 5 days with a great bunch of ppl called Koodii. Koodios was our OG and we had 2 fabulous OGLs, sherry and dexter. sherry's a great dancer and reminds me of huili, whereas dexter is a tall and lanky fun-loving guy who reminds me of zhiyong. they were the greatest OGLs ever and they made my orientation so fun.

day 1: it was rather quiet at first cos we didnt noe each other. i was telling zhihua that the girls in our grp were only average. LOL. ok larh.. it turned out that they were nice ppl. frenly and easy to talk to, all very outgoing and a right mix of ppl. not those kind of bitchy girls from NYGH but the very frenly and nice. first day was fine, got to know the guys and gals and had station games. then we went out for dinner @ J8 that night.

day 2: i think it was another day of station games. but i got to noe more ppl. esp the cool guys, ie. shijun, zhihua and harshil. great guys to hang out with. and the girls, shuwen, teri, shu ching, audris, elizabeth (who sent me home from the mrt station :P) etc etc. all so fun to hang out with. that night we went orchard to eat as well as discuss our O'nite thingy. decided on some angel demon thingy..

day 3: amazing race around singapore. fun fun fun. started off with "the new place of technology is not too big" -- LITTLE INDIA. how lame. went there for henna and drew out some indian words, said "sally sells sea shells on the seashore" with a mouth stuffed with prata. hahaha. then holland V, for food spelling the words RAFFLES (Ricola, Apple Juice, Fruitips, Fishermen's Friend, Lemon Tea, Egg Tart, Sarsi). Went orchard, ate lunch and posed as a dead person on the floor in the middle of orchard rd. so paiseh. then went to padang to play some scissorspaperstone game. :)

day 4: war games day. basically, it was just station games with lots of balloons. all the balloon bursting and stepping and clawing and god noes what. that cheating group we played with, i rmb vividly that TCHS guy with bright golden brown hair like a lions mane. :P quite fun. the most memorable was the dance at esplanade under the bridge that night. we took so many pictures!!! it was great.

day 5: saw more of my class. 1So3D. dun really like them. but i've gotta live with it. maybe they will be better after i noe them more. sigh. flag collection was fun. did it with shijun. he was great. we got the 3rd heaviest tin in the group out of 10.. not bad. oh yea. then i'm in the top 6 for fastest smsing in our whole J1 batch. supposed to compete for fastest smser in the night during campfire, but they sorta scrapped it. for campfire night, we dressed up as greeks, black cloth, togas and some robey thingy. looked kinda cool. took lots of pics. upload them soon.

ytd we went out for seoul garden. and we had so much fun eating nonstop. harshil finally stopped eating beef. WAHHAHAHA. and i tried to cook hokkien prawn mee there. wasnt too bad. it was great! but comparatively, dexter's mee was better. oh well. but at least ppl ate mine. :D ahhaahha. oh. some ppl in our OG like some OTHER ppl in our OG. whahahaha. nvm. dun say whose who..

oh yea. i realised. every morning i wake up, i shud do a prayer and confess and claim the blessings of god. "lead us not into temptation, but deliver me from evil. Amen." it helps. becos the cherubim of god will be defending ME with all the flaming swords so lalala. the devil cannot come close! =) amen. anyway my new year resolution
is to leave tmr for god and just get by each day. bo chap attitude works!

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reuben.
21.august.1988
leo.

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